Housepets! - Incorrect Quotes

trekkie · Post by **trekkie** » Sun Sep 15, 2019 3:14 pm

Duchess: But enough about me, let's talk about me.
Bino: That's my favorite subject, Dutchie-poo.
Duchess: Gah, If you don't stop calling me that i will have Boris use your mouth as a planter.

Buster · Post by **Buster** » Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:27 pm

Duchess: PULL THE LEVER!
*Bino pulls a lever*
Duchess: WRONG LEVER!
*splash*

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Tue Sep 17, 2019 5:10 am

Max: I have crippling depression!
Grape: I have abandonment issues!
Max: Oh my God, marry me...

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Wed Dec 18, 2019 8:08 pm

Bino: Peanut, I got you for Secret Santa. What do you want?

Peanut: Whatever you want to get me, man! It’ll make me happy cause it’s from you.

Bino: NOPE! That’s malarkey and you know it. This is why I hate Christmas, I have to buy people carp they didn’t ask for and don’t need, but they judge me for it anyway.

Peanut: Look, if it’s stressing you out so much, just don’t get me anything. I promise, I won’t be upset.

Bino: No, but you’ll cry.

Peanut: Yeah, probably.

Bino: You see?! It’s like an emotional hostage situation and I don’t even know what the ransom is! Can I... Can I just give you cash?

Peanut: That just seems kinda weird...

Bino: WHY?! Why do people say money is a bad gift?! I had to work for that money! I am literally giving you a chunk of my limited time on this earth and you can use it to buy whatever you want! How is that not the best gift?!

Peanut: Yeah, exactly. I think when you remove the ‘present’ part and just give cash, it just feels like a transaction where you’re spending money to buy affection.

Bino: But that’s what gift-giving is!

Peanut: I mean, yeah, if you’re a lazy, cynical, jerk.

Bino: Hi, I’m Bino. Nice to meet you.

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Dec 18, 2019 11:21 pm

Stop right there, Bino. For years I put up with your behavior because I was convinced that you would eventually change your ways. But sadly, I now see that is not the case. Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see a stuck-up, self-absorbed, conceited brat who cares about nobody but himself. You’re not really my friend. You’re just using me to make yourself look good. A true friend is honest, generous, loyal, kind, and always happy to put a smile on someone’s face when they are feeling down. You fulfill none of those requirements. And you think you can excuse yourself by saying that you’re in charge of the club? Well, get a load of this: your sycophants won’t believe your lies forever, so sooner or later, you will have to learn what life is like at the bottom of the food chain. I really had high hopes for you, but you’ve let me down, so consider our friendship over.
-Fox, hopefully at some point.

FireworkFox · Post by **FireworkFox** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 3:17 pm

Gale(introducing Pueblo): SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

Post by **D-Rock** » Sun Dec 22, 2019 4:01 am

Joey: "DON'T MESS WITH ME! I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE! AAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!"

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:27 pm

Grape: Peanut! How could you do this Max? You two are so close I occasionally have nightmares of the two of you running away together.

Peanut: Out of curiosity, where do we go?

Max: One time, we went to Aspen.

Peanut: Oh, I hope it was summer. I’m not that big a skier.

Source: Scrubs

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:29 pm

Tarot: *conducting a seance* If you are here, spirit, speak to us...

Rufus: JUST A CITY BOI, BORN AND RAISED IN SOU-!!

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:44 pm

Fox : Imagine joining the Good Dogs club and your “friend” who runs it is the type of guy to chug a whole monster energy drink and then say "haha level up!" and he does that every day.
Bailey: That’s oddly specific, are you ok?
Fox: I Am Fantastic Thanks For Asking.

FireworkFox · Post by **FireworkFox** » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:52 am

Bailey(to Gale, after Gale tried to go after her cubs): Don't talk to me or my son(or daughters) ever again!

Post by **D-Rock** » Sun Jan 05, 2020 5:26 pm

*at the zoo*
Tarmac: Why is Roosevelt crying?
Gambit: He just found out that Bruce is engaged.
Tarmac: But they're engaged.
Gambit: Roosevelt also had one too many orange sodas.

source: just-incorrect-beastars

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Tue Jan 07, 2020 11:58 am

Grape: Bino, I really don’t have the energy to punch you today. Here is my fist, kindly run towards it as fast as you can.

Source: Blackadder

Post by **D-Rock** » Wed Jan 08, 2020 2:48 pm

Peanut: I love laying my head on your chest when you’re sleeping so i can hear you breathe.
Tarot: I recorded you snoring so you can hear how loud you are and why I can’t sleep.

source: tumblr

CunningFox · Post by **CunningFox** » Fri Jan 10, 2020 4:13 pm

Duchess: What are you doing?
Bino: I'm kissing you, dear.
Duchess: Well, don't.

Source: Fawlty Towers

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Fri Jan 10, 2020 9:09 pm

Max: From now on, we’ll be using code-names. You will refer to me as Eagle One. Sabrina, code-name Been-There-Dated-That. Grape is Currently-Dating-That. Tarot is It-Happened-Once-In-A-Dream. Res, code-name If-I-Had-To-Pick-A-Dude. Bino is... Eagle Two.

Bino: Oh, thank god.
—-
(Peanut walks into the Temple)

Max: I’d-Be-Lying-If-I-Said-I-Haven’t-Thought-About-It is moving into position.

Source: Parks and Recs

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:24 pm

Pete! “Remember what’s at stake! If you continue to defy me, their blood will be on your hands!“
King: “So… what you’re saying is that I’m forcing you to do this?”
Pete! “Well–“
King: “Because it seems to me that admitting I’ve successfully coerced you into some course of action is a pretty lousy way to assert your dominance.”
Pete: “Now hold on just a–”
King: “I mean, if all I have to do in order to compel you to commit mass murder is mouth off, the balance of power in this relationship is rather in my favour.“
Pete: “That’s enough!”
King: “Oh, no, we’re committed to this now – I want to know where the boundaries are. What would I have to do to get you to dance a jig?”

Tappy Too · Post by **Tappy Too** » Mon Jan 20, 2020 10:05 am

(Dunno if this was done already but)

Bino: Oh Duchy-poo! What are we gonna do tonight?
Duchess: The same thing we do every night. Try to take over the neighborhood.

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Mon Jan 20, 2020 12:01 pm

Max: “… so long story short, I got written up for ‘antisocial conduct’, which is of course absolute baloney.”
Grape: “You started a riot in the middle of Main Street.”
Max: “Exactly! How can that reasonably be described as ‘antisocial’? Fomenting civil unrest is an intensely social activity.”

FireworkFox · Post by **FireworkFox** » Mon Jan 20, 2020 11:59 pm

Cerebus: I AM DEATH!
King: Death? We don't want any! slams door
Source: The Simpsons

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Tue Jan 21, 2020 8:36 am

Peanut: This photo's from 12 years ago? B-But you haven't changed a bit! Sabrina, how old are you?
Sabrina: I am eternally 24.
Peanut: Who are you, Weird Al?

Post by **D-Rock** » Tue Feb 11, 2020 2:37 pm

Zach: One time I watched Tiger drink an entire jar of marinara sauce for dinner, Marvin. He opened up a new jar of marinara sauce and then he drank it like it was a thing that normal people do. It was unholy. And then I asked him what he was doing, and he said, and I quote, ‘It’s basically a smoothie, Zach.’

Marvin: I mean, technically ... He’s not wrong?

tumblr

Mickey the Luxray · Post by **Mickey the Luxray** » Mon Feb 17, 2020 8:03 pm

Lois: What's all this ruckus?
Marion's Mom: There's a squirrel trying to get into the house.
Lois: Where?
Mom: Right there.
Lois: Where? Behind Marion?
Marion: She means me, Lois.
Mom: Oh, Marion, Why didn't you tell me it was you?
Marion: Mom, I did tell you it was me.
Mom: Well you didn't say it was you, you just kept saying "I'm me".
Marion: That's because I am me.
Mom: But you didn't say you were you. If you had said you were you instead of "I'm me", I would have known you were you. You just kept saying you were me.
Marion: That's because I'm me.
source: red vs. blue

FireworkFox · Post by **FireworkFox** » Fri Feb 28, 2020 1:47 pm

Fox: I am darkness. I am the night. I... am-
Ralph: Hey, who turned out the lights?
Ralph flicks the light on.
Fox: GAH THE LIGHT

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Sun Mar 01, 2020 12:11 am

Fox, answering his phone: Hello?
Bino: It’s Bino.
Fox: What did he do this time?
Bino: No, it’s me, Bino, it’s actually me.
Fox: What did you do this time?

Post by **D-Rock** » Tue Mar 10, 2020 11:31 pm

Marion: Don't worry, Lois, I'll pick up Devo from that dog club of his. I'm sure I got the "escape if they get excited" tactic down this time.
Lois, irritated: Marion, what are you, a chocolate bar in a convenience store?!
Marion: That's mean... I'm worth more than a chocolate bar... I'm at least worth an ice cream cone.

Beastars fan translation

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Mar 11, 2020 5:30 pm

Sasha: Are lobsters mermaids to scorpions?
King: Sasha, it's four in the freaking morning.

Kitsune: I’m going to Taco Bell, you want anything?
Pete: I want my old life back.
Kitsune: Yea, I got like 12 dollars.

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Mar 18, 2020 10:59 pm

King: Aren't you supposed to be babysitting Bino?
Fox: Doesn't need my help. He's over there, dazzling some psychologists.
Bino: (sitting on a couch, talking to a group of psychologists who are frantically scribbling notes) All men are at least 30% attracted to me.
(some more psychologists have joined the group)
Bino: My father cried the day I was born because he knew he would never be better than me.
(a whole crowd of psychologists has gathered around Bino)
Bino: At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: my brother Fido serving as my footstool.
Bino: I feel like I'm the Paris of people.
One of the psychologists: A complete overlap of ego and id. It's been theorized, but I never thought I'd see it.
Bino: I'm exquisite.

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Sun Apr 12, 2020 9:16 pm

Bino: How was I supposed to know there’d be consequences for my actions?

trekkie · Post by **trekkie** » Mon Apr 13, 2020 9:50 am

Peanut: GRAAAAPE!!

Grape: Ugh, a nap, my queendom for a nap.

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Wed Apr 15, 2020 5:55 am

Fox: Captain, I’d like to think I’m an exceptional officer.
Ralph: Name one law.
Fox: Don’t kill people.
Ralph: That’s on me. I set the bar too low.

Source: b99

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Apr 15, 2020 6:59 am

Bino: I will not let a technicality stop me.
Fox: A technicality like laws?
Bino: Yeah. I hate those things.

trekkie · Post by **trekkie** » Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:37 am

Max: So, you wasted your one phone call on her, again? Bino, if Fido hadn’t told us where you were, you’d still be stuck in the pound.

Bino: Ha! I’m sure that Duchess would have gotten to me eventually, I didn’t need my cat-lover brother to get me out.

Max: (facepaws) For dog’s sake, Bino...

dr_eirik · Post by **dr_eirik** » Wed Apr 15, 2020 10:38 am

Mr. Hartford: What did I ever do to you?
Kevin: Nothing. It's what you did to her.
Mr. Hartford.: Her who?
Kevin: . . . . .
Mr. Hartford: Oh, her.

Source: Little Shop of Horrors

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Tue Apr 28, 2020 11:37 pm

Bino, smoking a dog treat like a cigarette: You know, in the grand scheme of things, houses are just tupperware and we are god’s leftovers.
Peanut: How the heck did you get in our bathtub?
Also:
Bino: I was arrested for being too attractive.
Max: The charges were dropped because there was no supporting evidence.

Post by **D-Rock** » Wed May 13, 2020 3:06 pm

Peanut, writing a letter: Bino, if you're reading this,
Grape: Can Bino even read?
Peanut: ...
Peanut: Duchess, if you're reading this to Bino,
Grape: ...
Peanut:...
Peanut: Bruno, if you're reading this to Bino and Duchess,

source: Twitter

dr_eirik · Post by **dr_eirik** » Wed May 13, 2020 5:26 pm

Ink: The Opener, the Opener Zach has given unto you these fifteen... [drops one of the tablets] Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed May 13, 2020 6:22 pm

Tarot: Do not fear death. Fear the state in which you will die.
Peanut, whispering: Ohio.

JageshemashFTW · Post by **JageshemashFTW** » Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:41 pm

(Peanut and Max are playing video games...)
Max: You ever wish you could just... start over?

Peanut: Well, if you want to restart the level, you have to pause the game first.

Max: ............. You are not this stupid, Peanut.

source: kittensneeze

Legotron123 · Post by **Legotron123** » Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:58 pm

Fox: Guys, we need a plan.
Mungo: Punch everyone.
Fox: One that goes further than punching everyone.