Ash Greytree wrote:
Sorrows: Staying home today and trying to combat the urge that I get to get out of the house every day. It’s this unhealthy feeling I get that, if I don’t get out and do something, I’m not being productive. Doing my best to shake that urge off and convince myself that every day doesn’t have to be productive.
That's one reason I like to write (and record). You lose yourself in it and all the walls kinda disappear. You don't even notice you haven't stepped outside all day.
Heck, find a good book and you can get the same feeling.
And then you can be plenty productive and relax at the same time.
Devastation mixed with anxiety: First of all my aunt (who has pneumonia and something neurologically wrong with her) was violent all night and they had to sedate her to get her to stop and to put her in a state they could deal with her in and now she is in 4-point restraints. Then my grandmother also had to be hospitalized from the rehabilitation hospital and get admitted into the ER because she was lethargic and confused and SHE also has pneumonia and they have to give her breathing treatments in addition to being unable to take blood since they couldn't get any from her and they had a problem getting a pulse oximeter on her since she was too small for it to be attached anyway. I am worried because 6 years ago my grandfather ended up being sent to the hospital and had issues and eventually he succumbed to kidney failure. This is starting to feel a bit like that.
Amazee Dayzee wrote:Devastation mixed with anxiety: First of all my aunt (who has pneumonia and something neurologically wrong with her) was violent all night and they had to sedate her to get her to stop and to put her in a state they could deal with her in and now she is in 4-point restraints. Then my grandmother also had to be hospitalized from the rehabilitation hospital and get admitted into the ER because she was lethargic and confused and SHE also has pneumonia and they have to give her breathing treatments in addition to being unable to take blood since they couldn't get any from her and they had a problem getting a pulse oximeter on her since she was too small for it to be attached anyway. I am worried because 6 years ago my grandfather ended up being sent to the hospital and had issues and eventually he succumbed to kidney failure. This is starting to feel a bit like that.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Dayzee. I hope your family get better.
At this point, I just want my grandmother to get better and to make it through this illness. I will worry about her not being up to doing her physical therapy later.
Yeah I hear you. When my grandmother passed away in 2013 it was this... slow decline from lymphoma... and it was the most difficult thing I've ever had to watch.
It hurts more than anything to have to sit by and do nothing, when there's nothing you can do. But if we were able to be totally rational about something like that I don't think we'd be people anymore.
I really hope it doesn't come to that for your grandmother or your aunt, and I was sorry to hear about all you had to go through last year. In the meantime, whatever happens, the pain is still the worst thing in the world, but it means you're still as alive as can be, and that's far, far better than being numb.
Sorrow: My grandmother passed away in her sleep Sunday morning...
"It's not my job to seek the truth.
It's not my job to pick a side.
It's not my job to judge your sins.
It's my job to save your life."
-Champion Motto
I'm sorry for your loss, but that leads me to my next post.
Crushing anxiety and large dread: My grandmother is in the ICU on a ventilator. This is exactly what happened to my grandfather (her husband). He went into the hospital, was supposed to be released, went downhill (he went into cardiac arrest), was put on a ventilator, and then died 2 months after being admitted (went in on February, died in April). So I'm getting really bad deja vu. If my grandmother has to be resuscitated, I'll probably lose it.
The year 2014 was SUCH a sucky year. Only good thing was that I discovered this comic. But not even that undoes the sadness of 2014 (sorry Rick).
Engulfing misery: My grandmother hasn't gotten any better at all and actually seems to have gotten worse and is on a ventilator and the doctors said that she could go either way and everybody seems to be expecting the worst. My aunt is still sedated and strapped down in 4-point restraints due to be combative and now her HUSBAND is in the hospital with COPD and congestive heart failure. I could not make this **** up if I tried.
I know I'm a tad late here, but Cyber and Amazee, you both have my deepest sympathies and I will keep you and your respective families in my prayers.
If I may offer some advice; Amazee: If at all possible, try to record or transcribe any family stories/memories or words of wisdom your grandmother can share; my brother is a genealogy hobbyist, and these are always the kinds of things that people most often regret not keeping for posterity.
For Cyber: Try keeping a journal with all your memories, great or small, involving your grandmother. This is something my mom had me and my siblings do when her father passed, and it not only helps with the grieving, but also serves as a wonderful repository for memories that may otherwise become lost to time. It may be painful, but trust me, you'll thank yourself for it later.
As I said, I'll be praying for both of you and your families.
I would say to go see someone to talk to but I have been going to a therapist after my grandfather died and it didn't help. The best thing that helped was time.
And binge-reading the comic 4 months after his death.
I'm not familiar, but, that already sounds like it must have been a full life.
Anyone who wasn't living their full potential wouldn't care enough to keep fighting for that long.
Sorrow: After spending a week away from the forum and being barely on the internet because of my grandmother’s death, it still hasn’t hit me that she is gone and will never be coming back despite reading the obituary page and having seen her body at the wake and them going to the funeral the next day. I’m afraid I might be devoid of emotions.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes. I am really glad people do care. It is gonna be very difficult moving forward. I just now need to stop my hair from falling out.
I can't tell you how to go through grief -- its only constant is that it's a lonely road -- but I will say that when my grandmother passed away, I started out feeling the same lack of emotion and the same worries about it... it turned out the feelings were there all along, only too painful to process right away. So my brain had locked them down until it got some kind of a grip on what they meant.
I don't know if the reasons are the same for you or not, but I just hope the story shows that anyone going through this doesn't need to be afraid of themselves too.
I'm hoping that what you said is the case for me also because I really feel like i should have some sort of emotional reaction to my grandmother's death but I can't feel anything. Maybe when I go to therapy in 2 weeks my therapist will be able to help me understand why.
There are many possible reasons, and hopefully your therapist can help you work things out, but until then I want to also chime in to ask you not to let it worry you how you are processing this. Your brain is doing the best it can with what it's got right now, and no one can fault you for that =)
