Housepets!

"it seems our victim was intoxicated when he was hit with a blunt carpentry tool."

"I guess he got..."
*sunglasses*
"hammered"
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
(remember, drink responsibly and legally or not at all)

"Sir! Sir! It appears that the latest victim in this astounding case of bizarre murders you can make puns with has been beaten to death by open palms!"

"That's why I never try-"
*Puts on sunglasses*
"Slapstick"
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

'The illegal postal strike was the work of an organisation that are exclusively women'

'Sir, how can you tell?'

'There's no sign of any mail'

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!!

"Sir! The fish vendor at the peer was killed after defecting to the other side!"

"Well then. He's been doing some-"
*Puts on sunglasses*
"Traderous business."

"Sir, Michael Jackson died of heart failure."
"Well, I guess his heart couldn't..."
*Puts on sunglasses*
"...Beat it."
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
(My friend came up with that one)

"Sir, this man died 500ft underwater, while scuba diving, listening to Queen."
"I guess he didn't do well..."
*Puts sunglasses on*
"'Under Pressure'"
Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah

Sir, this man was found dismembered with a diamond sword lodged in his back
"looks like the killer decided to"
*puts on glasses*"kick it up a Notch"
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Sir...we've just had a phonecall from the library, they found a civilian crushed under a bookshelf

"Guess he was in the mood for some...."

*Sunglasses*

"Heavy reading!"

YYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Sir, this man tried to meet a truck head on!
Looks like he wanted to prove he was
*puts on sunglasses*
Built Ford Tough
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH